Written by: Ray Butler

Dusty Baker is making questionable roster choices. Terry Collins has one of his best hitters riding the pine. The Giants’ bullpen is horrific. The Rockies’ offense is unfair. The Twins are…. actually good? Frank has the best record in the league! Okay, some of these things are not like the others, but baseball is officially back! Here’s the state of the league after the maiden voyage of the 2017 season.

South Correa defeats Super Gurriel Bros 7-5-2

Every time I looked up on Sunday, the score of this matchup was different. It came down to the wire, but South Correa used some eleventh hour power to overcome some pitching woes and surge past Super Gurriel Bros. Offensive MOP= J.T. Realmuto, Pitching MOP= Danny Duffy

SeagerShine defeats Sausage Party 9-2-3

The champ is in the building! Okay, maybe not, but SeagerShine’s 2017 debut was very impressive nonetheless. The Shine swept Sausage Party offensively despite posting a .318 OBP. The pitching in this matchup was ridiculously close, with each team claiming two categories with three ties. Offensive MOP= Nomar Mazara, Pitching MOP= Julio Teheran

Dominican DDs ties A Krismas Story 7-7-0

A Krismas Story had 59 more innings pitched and an ERA better by more than half a point when compared to that of the Dominican DDs. Dominican DDs had more quality starts than A Krismas Story. Fantasy baseball, man! I tried to come up with something noteworthy to add here, but after seeing their comments in the GroupMe throughout the past week I’ll stick to this: both of these owners are happy to be moving to week 2. Offensive MOP= Paul Goldschmidt, Pitching MOP= Chris Archer

Very Good Team defeats Logan’s Heroes 9-4-1

Another offensive sweep! Very Good Team ran laps around Logan’s Heroes from an offensive standpoint in week 1. Yikes. Thankfully, Logan’s Heroes was able to salvage some of the pitching categories to make the result respectable. Its offense should wake up soon. Offensive MOP= Daniel Murphy, Pitching MOP= Dallas Keuchel

Mookie Monsters defeats Joe Buck Yourself 9-3-2

I could wake up with my head sewn to the carpet tomorrow morning and I wouldn’t be more surprised than I was by Joe Buck Yourself’s offense in week 1. FOURTEEN home runs by a team that doesn’t have an active first baseman or shortstop! Crazy. Unfortunately, most of the explosion went for naught. Mookie Monsters had 104 total bases offensively, and that’s with Anthony Rizzo and Mookie Betts combining for only 6 total bases. Uh oh. Offensive MOP= Salvador Perez, Pitching MOP= Clayton Kershaw

The Disabled List defeats The Syndergaawds 8-6-0

The Disabled List did just enough offensively and defensively to post a first week victory in this matchup. There wasn’t much that was spectacular in this matchup, but The Disabled List totaling 112.1 innings pitched and 116 pitching strikeouts certainly seems notable. With that offense, TDL will be tough to beat if it can continue finding a way to muster four wins in pitching categories on a weekly basis. Offensive MOP= George Springer, Pitching MOP= Noah Syndergaard

Here’s your weekly update on the season-long standings projection:

Most Overachieving Team: SeagerShine (Now projected to win four more games than original projection)

Most Underachieving Team: Sausage Party (Now projected to win six fewer games than original projection)